Fears, Real and Imaginary

A couple of entries ago I mentioned my bathroom reading.  If I don't see anything to read in someone's bathroom I might look in the medicine cabinet for a bottle of mouthwash or a box of Bandaids.  I'm not particular.  I once read in an advice column, probably Ann Landers or Dear Abby, an annoyed reader had a nosy friend who was always checking out her medicine cabinet.  Ann or Abby suggested that when the nosy friend was expected over that the reader load her medicine cabinet with marbles.  When the friend snooped the next time the marbles would cascade noisily in the sink give her away.  Ever since I read this I've been worried about having this happening to me someday.  Lately I usually find something on my cell phone to read which is much safer.

When I was about six years old my family was visiting friends.  We were all sitting outside and I went in to use the bathroom which was upstairs.  After I washed my hands I couldn't seem to turn off the water faucet.  It hadn't occurred to me to try drying my hands first.  The sink started filling up and I was getting worried.  I had no idea that bathroom sinks have those little holes that let the water out if it gets too full.  In my mind I saw a Looney Toons cartoon where a character filled up an entire bathroom because the tub overflowed.  I started yelling frantically out the window so someone would rescue me before I had to start swimming. For a time there I was truly frightened that a disaster was imminent.  Naturally the family had a good laugh at my expense.

We all have fears. I'm not overly afraid on insects or rodents but if I'm surprised by one I might scream.  I like to tell myself that I don't have irrational fears or phobias but strictly speaking that's not true.

Look Ma No Hands!

At one time in my childhood I could ride my bike without holding onto the handlebars.  I had a three speed bike and I could ride completely around our block without using the handlebars or the hand brakes.  I was pretty impressed with myself.  Unfortunately one day the gearshift, which was a little loose, slipped off the handlebar and got caught in the spokes of my front wheel while I was coasting down a hill.  The front wheel stopped dead and the back wheel flipped over me.  I took most of the impact on my forearms which were covered from elbows to wrists with "road rash".  Though this all happened before anybody had heard of bike helmets, miraculously I didn't damage my head at all.  My friend, who had seen the entire thing, said "I know you are in pain but that looked really cool". Style points notwithstanding, I hobbled home with my bike seeking some first aid from Mom.  I healed without visible scars but I was never, ever able to ride "no hands" again.  Not on that bike or any other.  I certainly knew how but my brain would not let me.

For some reason I imagined that aerosol cans might explode in a suitcase in the non-pressurized luggage compartments on an airliner.  When I left for college I did not want to pack any spray deodorant or hairspray and preferred to buy new cans when I got there. In all my flights through my whole life I've never packed any spray cans in my bags.  I really don't use any personal products from aerosol cans nowadays so the issue is really moot. There are some unsolved airliner explosions though.  You never know if they could have been caused by an depressurized can of Easy Cheez in someone's bag.  Nobody suggested this fear to me. I made it up all by myself.

I'm not the most patient person regarding other people's fear and anxiety.  (I tend to look away and roll my eyes).  One time I was talking to my husband about riding horses and he stated emphatically "you're not getting me on a horse".  I hadn't really planned to get him near any horse but I was intrigued by his response.  I tried to get him to tell me why he feels this way and he got really annoyed.  This got my curiosity even more aroused but after 28 years of marriage I still haven't gotten this secret out of him.  I thought maybe his parents tried to force him onto a pony for a picture. His mother isn't saying.  Anytime I want to get an argument started I can bring up the subject of horses and in no time at all we're there.

Cast of What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

Morbid obesity can be a symptom of "agoraphobia" or "fear of the market place".  People sometimes get so fat they can't get out of the house at all.  One of Johnny Depp and Leonardo DiCaprio's early movies "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" examines this phenomenon.  His mom hibernates in the living room because she's too fat to get up the stairs or go out of the house.  I was nearly there.  I used to get so short of breath going up the stairway in our house it would take me about ten minutes to catch my breath  I'd go down in the morning and avoided climbing up the stairs until bedtime.  This took a lot of organization on my part to not need anything from upstairs all day.  I still went to church and the grocery store but not many more places.  I certainly didn't walk anywhere!  Most places I did go I knew I was the biggest person in the room.  Children stared.  It hurt.

Why, do you ask, would I want to bring this up?  Well, I need to remind myself of a couple of things.
1.  I've come a long way.
2.  I don't want to go back there.
3.  Even though I think I'm way too logical for needless worry, I'm not immune.
4.  I should quit all the worrying and just do stuff.

Love to all,
Marlena of Mohegan