| "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." |
I've got a whole lotta denial going on about old demons raising their ugly heads. Here is a partial list:
Denial that I need to keep track of my calories.
Denial that my snacking is getting out of control.
Denial that the "plateau" that I claim to be on is really my own doing.
Denial that I often eat when I'm not the slightest bit hungry.
My job has been really getting to me lately. I don't feel as fulfilled as I once did. The health care industry is so focused on cost and reimbursement that it is rare that I feel like my efforts have really made a difference. There is so much more emphasis on saving money than making people feel better. Even rarer is the rush that we adrenalin junkies crave. I'm usually so focused on documentation in critical situations that I don't get as emotionally involved.
I may be using my stress for an excuse to comfort myself via my taste buds. I remember in the orientation materials I received prior to my weight loss surgery there was a whole section on handling stress. I pretty much ignored it. After all, I'm used to stress and I thrive on it. I used to anyway. These days I have a very limited threshold for frustration. I've got to make some changes. I don't think I'll be able to hide my head in the sand much longer because I WILL NOT GO BACK TO MY OLD LIFE!!!!!!!!!
I'm very tired. I should go to bed but I like being up when the house is quiet and my thoughts can blossom without interruptions. Tomorrow will be here very soon. It will be a day fresh for the taking with today's worries flushed down the toilet heading for the ocean where they will be eaten by the bottom feeders. SO THERE!.
Love to all,
Marlena of Mohegan
It became the same for me when I was working in day habilitation with very aggressive adult clients. The adrenaline rush was there, making sure I did everything I could to ensure everyone's safety. As time went on, much of that was replaced by constant worry that some documentation was going to get overlooked, and end up costing someone their job. Which is eventually what happened to me. But I still miss it.
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