I am determined to continue my weight loss. I refuse to let go of my momentum. Am I obsessed? Maybe. In a good way. Really.
Several individuals in my family tend toward obsessiveness. My husband says he's not truly obsessive he just gets a lot accomplished. He wishes I'd get obsessed about things like laundry or balancing my checkbook. It makes him crazy that if I can't find something I don't tear the house apart looking like he does. My attitude is that it will turn up. Often if I try to think about something else the location of the lost item will pop into my head. I feel that frantic searching creates negative energy that blocks the brain.
On the other hand I find it irritating that he insists on rearranging the dish cupboard after I've put dishes away. When we first got married I tried to make his lunch for him to take to work. He preferred to make his own sandwiches because mine had too much stuff on them. He ate a bologna sandwich with only one slice of meat and plain yellow mustard on wheat bread every day for years. Recently he made the switch to turkey because its healthier. He's also very particular about the way he mows our lawn or shovels snow. He gives our kids a hard time if they don't do the yard jobs his way. (Although I could see his point when one of the kids mowed his name in the grass). I mentioned these behaviors to my psychiatrist once. He told me that these things aren't pathological just annoying to live with.
A friend complimented me the other day because he wishes he could sustain the behavior necessary to lose his excess pounds. He doesn't know how I've kept focused for this long. I just know that I must continue this attitude for the rest of my life. I do not plan to reach a goal and the battle is over. I've made a lifestyle change that must be permanent.
My voice teacher wrote a book "Singing in Your Sleep" about developing obsessive behaviors that will lead to success as a professional opera singer. He was telling me at my lesson the other day that when he was learning to sing he was afraid to go to sleep without repeating and perfecting a skill he had learned that day. He thought he'd forget it during night otherwise. He tells me that I've never learned to practice this way because I sing for my own enjoyment rather than for a career. He's right of course.
Obsessive compulsive disorder has probably been responsible for a lot of scientific and artistic achievements through history. Overcoming repeated failures or rejections have produced useful technology, literature, music, architecture and discovery.
Of course, there are limits. When obsessiveness becomes so time consuming that normal living is impaired then professional help is necessary. If you insist on washing your hands till they're raw, its a problem.
On the other hand, I really do need to start balancing the checkbook.
Love to all,
Marlena of Mohegan
No comments:
Post a Comment