"Let's Not Get Paranoid"

I've had my slip ups.  There are multiple habits that caused me to be obese and I have been starting to engage in again.  

#1  Night Snacking - sitting at the computer or watching tv with continuous nibbling of this and that.  

#2  Eating in the Car - what is it about a moving car that makes me want to eat?  

#3 Stress eating - the stress is no different whether or not I eat something.  

and a new habit

#4 Eating after exercising.  I am sometimes ravenous after my workout at the gym.  

I weighed myself about 10 days ago and was 2 pounds heavier.  Then, this week there were another 2 pounds.  Well this caused a RED ALERT!  This can not continue.  Time for reorganizing myself.  

I had been neglecting my food entries in My Fitness Pal.  I immediately started with that very day even though the total calories for that day were beyond what I should have eaten.  I removed the trash bag from my car.  I was dismayed to see all the wrappers of consumed snacks.  True there were no candy bars or Big Mac wrappers.  There were, however, protein bars, soy crisps and a Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger.  NO, NO, NO!  I thought about taking a picture of the trash just to show how many wrappers were in there but I was too ashamed of myself.  

That night, after the gym, I bought some fresh fruit for my evening snack.  I've increased my fluid intake and I've recorded every morsel of food since then.  

Yesterday, at work, I bumped into Dr. Choi, my bariatric surgeon.  She was happy to see how well I move around these days.  I confessed to her that I had gained four pounds.  She replied "lets not get paranoid now"  but agreed that it was a wake up call for me.  She told me that my habits will make or break my success.  The next two years will determine whether or not my weight loss will be permanent.  She suggested not eating anything that comes in a package.  She also encouraged more fruits and veggies and less starchy carbs.  She mentioned crackers as a problem for a lot of her patients and I did not mention but mentally clicked off those graham crackers.  

While redesigning the blog I came across this picture from before my surgery.  It does keep me in perspective  in that four pounds is not so much.  It is equal to the weight of a half gallon of milk.  The other picture, taken today, shows that I'm much better off than I was in June of 2010!  So I will not be depressed about a little setback.  I will not comfort myself with unhealthy snacks.  I WILL keep track of my food and activity!  I WILL have a long, healthy life!

Love to all,

Marlena of Mohegan

Arms of Steel?

 One of the alumni attending our class reunion in July took lots of pictures.  I was happy to see one of my husband and me dancing.  (This was the first time I've ever gotten him to dance to anything besides a "slow dance")  I thought my arm looked a little unusual.  Now I do have lots of loose skin but there was something else...

 Lately I've been noticing that I can see veins in my arms and some muscle definition when I flex my hands.  I've never had anything like this in my entire life!  Now I'm a long way from this picture of an anonymous body builder but I am definitely showing progress from the weight training.  Speaking as a nurse who frequently has to access veins where none are apparent (like today for instance) I know the next time I need blood drawn it will be easier than previously.  

Don't worry friends and family.  I have no intentions of making myself into a steroid-popping exhibitionist.  It is just nice to see my hard work pay off.

Love to all,
Marlena of Mohegan

9-11 Ten Years Later

 Today was the ten year anniversary of September 11, 2001.  I lost a wonderful coworker that day.  Christopher Blackwell, a paramedic in Danbury,  Connecticut also was a New York City Fireman with Rescue 3 in the Bronx.  Only one helmet was all that was ever found of his entire unit.  This is a picture closeup of a commemorative tee shirt which was sold to raise money for his family.  I could not wear mine until last year because I was too big.

Last year I proudly wore my shirt on the 9th anniversary of 9-11. I had lost 60 pounds in three months and was feeling healthier than I had in years.  (That's me in the middle)

Today I put that shirt on again.  Its a lot bigger today than it was a year ago.  So far I've lost 166 pounds since my gastric by-pass.

I am proud to honor the brave heroes of that tragic day.  My own personal struggles do not compare with those of the families who so abruptly lost loved ones.  I saw on TV Christopher's daughter as she read his name at the New York City commemorative ceremony today.  She was wearing the uniform of the NYPD.  His son became a member of NYFD.  What a wonderful way to honor their father by their service.

September 11th, 2001 was a clear, cloudless day until those planes hit the towers.  The smoke and clouds of dust did not reach my home fifty miles from ground zero but the gloom and fear certainly did.  That day I cooked comfort food for my family.  I made homemade lasagne.  How like me to use food to soothe the fears of my children.  Throughout my life I have used oral gratification to ease pain and angst.

The endless news footage of the events at the three sites of tragedy continued to bombard us for weeks.  Today, ten years later, I cannot watch.  I can see the towers fall without looking.  I  see the gray clouds of dust billowing down the city streets.  Thousands who had escaped the towers ran in fear from those clouds.

I still have the urge to use comfort food to assuage stress and pain.  I don't know if I'll ever completely get over that habit.  I am better than I was ten years ago.  I did not make lasagne today.

Love to all, especially those who serve our cities and our nation,
Marlena of Mohegan.

Damn Those Graham Crackers and Full Speed Ahead!

I did NOT eliminate stress from my life in the past week.  In fact, I had two meltdowns complete with tears.  The first crisis was in response to a financial issue while at home.  The second crisis was on Friday at work after an unpleasant interaction with one of the ER doctors.  After I lost it the day didn't really improve much.  I struggled to regain myself but I could not keep up with my computer documentation.  This stresses me out more than the actual patient care.

Last week when I got three new patients in the psychiatric area all at once my response was to stuff myself with graham crackers.  We have little individual packs with two squares in our nutrition room.  They are a very handy snack but the calories add up if you eat two or three.  Well on Friday I told myself repeatedly that I was not going to soothe myself with graham crackers.  Oh they kept calling to me from their little cubby but I resisted.  I drank more water instead of eating.

By the way, I cooked some Swiss chard this week.  I bought the multicolored kind because it looked so pretty.  It wasn't bad.  Only one other member of my family ate it but I will definitely get it again.  I read online that if you cook it the same day its picked its even more delicious.  I'll have to find a farmer's market or farm stand that has same day pickings!  Maybe next year I'll try growing some myself.

I weighed in at the Virgin Healthmiles kiosk on Friday (before the day took the nosedive) and I was happy to see that I passed through my most recent plateau.  I've been struggling to lose the same five pounds for weeks now.  The scale just wasn't moving.  I kept on exercising and even started doing weight training again.  I've been told by people who do serious weight training that if you stress muscles to the limit within eight to twelve reps that your body responds by increasing your metabolism.  It did seem to kick start me in the right direction.  I can't quit now.  I want to lose at least 60 more pounds.  My goal, however, is not a weight.  I'm in this to be healthy for the rest of my life.

Love to all,
Marlena of Mohegan